Mildred Hubble (Fairuza Balk), the titular witch, is kind-hearted and inept. She’s taunted by blondes and her teachers have no problem telling her that her shit is weak. Mildred is our naïf heroine.
On Halloween night, The Grand Wizard (Tim Curry) plans to visit Mildred's school. Yes, he is sexy, and all of the students at Miss Cackle’s all-girl witch academy lust after him in a kind of abstract, innocent way--Mildred says that he makes her feel "all squishy inside."
But because he is the lone male, The Grand Wizard is Sexuality, plain and simple.
- He has a giant cloak. I think it’s pretty obvious what that cloak represents. As he soars above the girls, they all stare up at him, agog. They’ve never seen such a massive cloak! One interesting feature of the cloak is that it grows while The Grand Wizard is flying and then shrinks or retracts once he lands.
- He has crazy rhyme skillz. OK, so this isn’t remotely sexual, unless you’re suggesting a relationship between "Anything Can Happen on Halloween," the little ditty he sings to the young, virginal witches, and romantic poetry created specifically to get guys laid. But I thought it necessary to call attention to the illest bit of rhyming ever: Anything can happen on Halloween, your toenails grow long and your hair turns green, your teacher could become a sardine, your dentist could turn into a queen. Has anyone seen my tambourine?
- He sings “Anything Can Happen on Halloween” but never once mentions any of the more carnal things that can happen. The omission calls attention to itself and in not saying “it,” he’s essentially saying “it,” especially since he alludes to sexual climax (or maybe actually has one) when he sings, “Tonight, the most wonderful night uuuhh...ohhh...vvv...the year.”
Casting Tim Curry as a heartthrob may seem bizarre to some people but I think it was actually quite appropriate, considering this alternative reading of plot. Curry, at least to me, is both attractive and terrifying.