Tuesday, January 26, 2010

St. Alec Baldwin of Massapequa

How ironic it is that the first half of Alec Baldwin’s surname means, "lacking hair on the head," when such a dazzling mane shrouds his skull. If you ask me, the only thing his head is lacking is a halo, for the man should be the patron saint of thick, awesome, well-gelled hair. So Pope Benedict, if you’re reading this (and I’m pretty sure you are, you blog loving little such and such), consider this my formal petition for Mr. Baldwin’s canonization. Now I know that beatification is dependent upon the performance of miracles, so I’ve listed a few of Mr. Baldwin’s hair miracles or as I like to call them, "hairacles" (or sometimes, "follicles"). 

1. Beetlejuice (1988)

In death his hair maintains maximum awesomeness.

2. Working Girl (1988)
Even his chest hair is luxurious (and undoubtedly gelled).

3. Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

Penned by Mamet with a cast that includes Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin, and Kevin Spacey (all Academy Award winners), Baldwin is the most memorable thing about Glengarry Glen Ross (and he isn’t on screen for more than five minutes). How is this possible? It’s the hair, of course. The hair!

4. The Edge (1997)

There is a scene in The Edge where Baldwin has just been attacked by a bear in some Alaskan river and his hair is wet and plastered to his head. A mere two minutes later, not only is his hair dry, but it’s perfectly gelled. This alone should qualify him for sainthood.

5. The Departed (2006)
Baldwin is one of the senior members of this cast but his head dominates all other heads. He is a legend.


Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

And if you watch 30 Rock, you'll see that Saint Alec is still sporting a magnificent barnet!

Long live Saint Alec!

Melanie's Randomness said...

I still can't believe Alec Baldwin was the Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice. He looked soo different?!?!?! He's still awesome. He plays a jerk better than anyone. =)

Ally said...

I got married in Massapequa by the way. I'm from Long Island. Ha ha.

I think all of the Baldwins are hot and their LI accents make me feel at home. Ha ha! I'm so lame.

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

I Really Suck At This said...

This had me rolling with laughter. Thank you! I needed that today.

Nothing makes a day better like Alec Baldwin's hair.

Anonymous said...

I must say that William Baldwin's hair are very good too ! I thought about it when I saw him in Dirty, sexy, money.

Anonymous said...

You forgot The Royal Tenenbaums, in which Alec Baldwin's hair is tangibly felt even though he never appears on screen.

Sally-Sal said...

I just want to weave a manly blanket out of Alec B's chest hair and dippity do gel.

Suzy said...

I do love The Bloviator even though I'm not even sure what that nickname means. Anyone?

Angie said...

HAIRACLES! HAHAHAHA!!!! enjoyed this post profoundly!

Sadako said...

It's so weird seeing 30 Rock and then seeing Beetlejuice...I can't reconcile the two images!

Amber said...

Richard: You always know what's up. I'll be contacting you if the pope requires some sort of petition for Baldwin's canonization.

Melanie and Sadako: The only thing old Baldwin and young Baldwin have in common is awesome hair. Even though it seems his head has doubled in size, his hair is still perfection.

Ally and vint4ge: In my opinion only Alec and William are attractive but they all have pretty excellent hair. I wonder if Stephen got hand-me-down gel.

Trecs: Ha, you're totally right.

Sally: I feel like there are woodland creatures hibernating within that chest hair.

Suzy: I think that's just an eloquent way of saying he's a loud mouth, a-hole. I think he has a lot of opinions on stuff and junk.

Mr. Apron said...

You know, I'm normally not into blog posts that are primarily pictures, but I have to say, and I'm not at all ashamed to admit this, but:

This is the best fucking blog post.