Tuesday, March 2, 2010

90s Colloquialisms That Have Never Sounded Right Coming Out of My Mouth

Colloquialism Decoded: I am a solipsist/egoist. Nothing you have to say is of any interest to me. You may continue to speak if it pleases you, but you should know that I will not be able to hear any of it. As you may notice, my hand is up in the air and quite close to your face--an action that prevents any sound that might be coming out of your mouth from penetrating my ear's exterior auditory canal.


Why I Can't Pull This One Off: First of all, I'm not sassy enough and second of all, I don't like saying stuff that requires me to perform some complementary action. If I wanted to communicate with my hands, I'd learn sign language...or join a gang of street toughs...or become Italian.



Colloquialism Decoded: I am a very busy person and cannot afford to waste precious milliseconds of my life on "Ts,""Hs," or "Es." Rather than saying "the"/"that" I have chosen a more alphabetically economical and time efficient mode of communication. 

Why I Can't Pull This One Off: I grew up in a family where everyone said "The" and "That," so to say "Da" or "Dat" (1) sounds completely affected and (2) flies in the face of genetics and the double helix and whatnot. 


Colloquialism Decoded: My life has reached its pinnacle. I am somehow on television/the radio/a metaphorical and/or literal soapbox despite having no discernible talents or anything of consequence to say. But since I am here, I might as well acknowledge a few of my comrades.

Why I Can't Pull This One Off: I don't have any friends, so there's just no reason for me to ever say this. 


Colloquialism Decoded: ?

Why I Can't Pull This One Off: I don't even know what this means. (Something about Indo Weed...? Waikiki...?) All I do know is that when you hear the song "I Got Five On It" at a high school dance, you're supposed to scream "Beeyotch" during the chorus for reasons unknown to me. Anyway, I'd probably end up using this one at a totally inappropriate moment, some record that I never knew was playing would then scratch abruptly, and everyone in the room would stare at me with mouths agape and heads tilted ever so slightly to the left.


Colloquialism Decoded: I'm wearing Dockers and flailing around awkwardly to one of Will Smith's wholesome hip hop ditties. 

Why I Can't Pull This One Off: If the person who coined the term can barely pull it off, what hope is there for the rest of us? "Jiggy" is probably the only 90s slang word that I, a mega-dork, am actually too cool to say. 

15 comments:

Melanie's Randomness said...

I'll admit I still do the talk to the hand the thing if I'm trying to be bratty! LOL!! hehe

nikki said...

'da' and 'dat' send shivers up my spine.

I, too, am way too big a dork to pull of any of these.

Phoenix said...

Ha ha I love it! And these sayings/terms start to age you if you keep using them. Way to stay classy ;)

Christina In Wonderland said...

I once told someone to go get jiggy with themselves because I was too nice at the time to tell them to go *bleep* themselves with a rubber hammer.

I quickly learned, however, that it's better to speak your mind.

I miss the 90s. :/

Cristina said...

Everytime I hear someone say "da" or "dat" I just want to slap them. Is that wrong? Seriously, how difficult is it to produce the "th" sound?

Amiee said...

I am also confused by the "I got five on it". Someone out there must know what it means!
Cristina I don't think it's out of order to slap someone for not being about to use the 'th' sound!

Sadako said...

I don't think anyone can pull off talk to the hand. It's just so inherently douchey to say it--no matter who you are!

Awesome nostalgia as always!

miss. chief said...

Gettin' jiggy with it was in my head the other day! Haha! I kept singing "nanananananana"

Megs said...

I cannot say any of these things without seeming even lamer than I am.

My step sister used to say things were "da bomb" and "the shiznit". I cannot say these things with a straight face, and no one hearing me say them has ever kept a straight face either.

Heather Taylor said...

I cannot say "da" or "dis" either. I'm pretty much the whitest girl you would ever meet.

Deathycat said...

I was too white to even know half of those existed. :) My poor cousin was about two when gettin jiggy with it came out and he loved it so much it earned him the nickname Jiggy, or Jig. He is still called that by his father. :p

Jen said...

I love that you included "I got five on it".

BEYOTCH

classic school dance anthem. I didn't even know what it meant for the longest time. Kind of like "OPP". I knew I was supposed to jump around a lot and yell it, but the phrase never made sense until I was an adult.

heamer said...

I can probably use all of these in the same anecdote. I'll show you sometime.

Ally said...

This is great! I too felt funny saying some of these lines. The best is in Austin Powers - I laughed my arse off when Dr. Evil was like, "All that and a bag of chips" etc.

Sara M. said...

i got 5 on it means you'll put five bucks down to split a dimebag with your homie!