Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Pop Songs of My Youth: The Rundown

"Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears

Synopsis: Tale of teenage sadomasochism.

Word Count
Baby: 27
Yeah: 3
Oh: 10
Ooh: 0
Love: 0
Heart: 0

Moment of Insanity: "When I’m not with you, I lose my mind."

Trite Lyric: "The reason I breathe is you."

No Comprendo: "Oh baby, baby, Ah, yeah, yeah."

Playin’ Games: N/A

Sexual Innuendo: "Hit me baby one more time."

"Bye, Bye, Bye" by ‘Nsync

Synopsis: Five guys break up with girl for cheating on them (presumably, with another boy band).

Word Count
Baby: 9
Yeah: 0
Oh: 4
Ooh: 4
Love: 2
Heart: 0

Moment of Insanity: "It might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie."

Trite lyric: "I loved you endlessly."

No Comprendo: I comprendo everything about this song. It’s pretty straightforward.

Playin’ Games: "Just another player in your game for two."

Sexual Innuendo: N/A

"Candy" by Mandy Moore

Synopsis: Girl misses guy like she misses candy.

Word Count
Baby: 8
Yeah: 18
Oh: 4
Ooh: 4
Love: 2
Heart: 5

Moment of Insanity: "No doubt about it boy, got me feeling crazy."

Trite Lyric: "This feeling’s got me weak in the knees."

No Comprendo: "I’m missin’ you like candy."

Playin’ Games: "Can’t you hear me calling, begging you to come out and play."

Sexual Innuendo: Entire Song is an extended sexual metaphor.

Notes: I can only assume that Candy is a friend of hers since it wouldn’t make sense to miss a person like actual candy when there’s no reason that you have to miss candy in the first place--it’s readily available at any supermarket, liquor store, vending machine, etc. Unless, maybe, she gave up candy for Lent. But there’s no indication of that in the song.

"Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)" by Backstreet Boys

Synopsis: Insecure tyrant demands that everyone rock his/her body right while telling him that he’s sexual.

Word Count
Baby: 0
Yeah: 18
Oh: 0
Ooh: 0
Love: 0
Heart: 0

Moment of Insanity: Entire song

Trite Lyric: "Now throw your hands up in the air, wave ‘em around like you just don’t care."

No comprendo: Entire song

Playin’ Games: N/A

Sexual Innuendo: Entire song?

Notes: Uh, what?

"Irresistible" by Jessica Simpson

Synopsis: Girl in the midst of spiritual crisis.

Word Count
Baby: 1
Oh: 4
Ooh: 0
Yeah: 9
Love: 0
Heart: 1

Moment of Insanity: N/A (Though there is a sort of Hamlet-esque, mental back and forth going on.)

Trite Lyric: "When he makes me weak with desire."

No comprendo: "More than just physical, deeper than spiritual." (Is this a riddle?)

Playin’ Games: "Maybe I’ll tell him that I feel the same, that I don’t want to play no game."

Sexual Innuendo: N/A

Notes: I think this song is about Jesus.

"The Hardest Thing" by 98 Degrees

Synopsis: Guy serenades his boner.

Word Count
Baby: 1
Oh: 2
Ooh: 0
Yeah: 1
Love: 7
Heart: 3

Moment of Insanity: Entire Song (Why would he stay with a girl he barely even likes when he’s clearly in love with this other woman (aka boner)?)

Trite Lyric: "I’ve got to be cruel to be kind."

No comprendo: "Like Doctor Zhivago, All my love I’ll be sending."

Playin’ Games: N/A

Sexual Innuendo: "The Hardest Thing"/ "’Cause there can be no happy ending."

Notes: Like Doctor Zhivago, this song was adapted into a movie called Doctor Zhivago.

"Say My Name" by Destiny’s Child

Synopsis: Girl thinks guy is cheating because (1) he won’t say her name (2) he won’t say that he loves her and (3) she can hear him having sex with another woman every time she talks to him on the phone.

Word Count
Baby: 21
Oh: 1
Ooh: 0
Yeah43 (roughly)
Love: 10
Heart: 0

Moment of Insanity: N/A

Trite Lyric: N/A (This song is brilliant from start to finish).

No Comprendo: I comprendo everything especially the 43 "yeahs."

Playin’ Games: "If you ain’t runnin’ game, say my name, say my name."

Sexual Innuendo: N/A


Anonymous said...

Wow, you really took me back to middle school with this list. I remember listening to all of these songs on my brand new CD player, though I wasn't much of a 98 Degrees fan.

Actually, come to think of it, I think I put all of these songs on to one compilation - and I might still have it.

Melanie's Randomness said...

Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE your blog! I love this post Omg my favorite songs were BSB Everybody's back & Bye Bye Bye. I'm going to take a few & watch these videos!

Sally-Sal said...

Amber, have I told you lately that I fucking love you?

You just break shit down in such a logical, cracktastic way. And that is made of win.

Your posts crack me up.

I watched a thing on VH1 once about Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" just to see how many times he said that phrase. I think it was like 200.

It made me dizzy.

Suzy said...

DUDE!! You HAVE to enable your email or put it on your blog. I can't answer questions by going thru everyone's blog like this. I'm a busy chick!!

Those were leggings and I wore them to death and had to toss them. WAHHHHHHH.

Tina K said...

I could pretty much sing along to all of these, except I never got into Jessica Simpson--unless it involves pictures of her in mom jeans.

Ames said...

Completely agree with Say My Name, Britney and Mandy Moore. Ah adolescent longing and the overuse of baby.

Sadako said...

Great post! I hate myself for interrupting ronnie spector's say goodbye to hollywood to listen to backstreet's back but the nostalgia, it gets to me. :D

But no, boys, you're not sexual. You're as sexless as a creepy looking mannequin in a lady gaga vid.

Children of the 90s said...

I agree with Sadako...even as a kid, I sort of assumed they were all like Ken dolls under their well-coordinated ensembles. We all went crazy for boy bands, but their image was sometimes so cleaned-up they were practically on eunuch level. That would explain the high voices, though...

No One Reads The Copy said...

The Mandy Moore Candy comment made me laugh out loud.