Sunday, October 23, 2011

Gage Creed: Undead Toddler, Dark Prince of Fashion, The Littlest Dandy

Behold your style icon, people!
Most see Stephen King's Pet Sematary as nothing more than your standard horror movie about a kid brought back from the dead who slices up everybody's portentously exposed ankles with a scalpel. But today I'm here to tell you that that interpretation is completely off base. You see, Pet Sematary is actually about the meteoric rise and fall of style wunderkind Gage Creed.
The movie begins with tiny, innocent Gage getting hit and killed by a speeding semi truck. His guilt-ridden father Louis deposits him in an ancient Indian burial ground because (a) who wouldn't? And (b) this particular plot of land has the power to bring the dead back to life. 


Unfortunately, boringly dressed Louis is completely unprepared for the sort of sartorial drama that has historically been linked to ancient Indian burial grounds. 


When Gage died, he was your basic toddler, wearing diapers and OshKosh B'gosh. But he was reborn a dandy, undoubtedly pulling inspiration from the likes of Oscar Wilde and Charles Baudelaire. 
No one is able to deal with Gage's newly discovered fierceness.
They're all intimidated by his preternatural ability to smile with his eyes (aka "smize").
They try to stifle his creativity, dissuade him from making such bold and unconventional fashion choices. So, he has to kill them. 
What else could he do? There was no other way that he'd ever be able to express himself. Louis is unable to come to grips with all of this--I'm sure, secretly, he was more than a little bit jealous of Gage's little velvet off the shoulder number--and kills his son.
Gage stays fierce until the very end.



6 comments:

Munk said...

Strike the pose.

Fear Street said...

Worrrrrkkkk.

Nicole said...

Gage Creed looks suspiciously like a baby Carson Kressley. Coincidence? I think not.

Amiee said...

It all makes sense now, he's not so scary anymore.

dbs said...

Oh where would the world be now if Stephen King had never been published?

Lorraine said...

I'll admit that I wasn't sold on your explanation... UNTIL the smize. No one can deny that those eyes are smiling.

Lor