Tuesday, August 30, 2011

To: Paul Reiser. Re: The Fact That I Hate You.

I am a bit of a 90s connoisseur, so I think I can say with some authority that you, with your wry observations about upper-middle class relationships, are as quintessentially of that decade as Ethan Hawke's hair in Reality Bites or using the phrase, "It's the 90s" to denote a social paradigm shift. During the 90s you were practically meta-90s (See Bye, Bye Love; Mad About You; the light wash of your high-waisted, slim-fit, tapered-leg jeans). Having said this, I hate you. I love the 90s but hate you. How is this possible? After spending many long seconds puzzling over this paradox I've finally arrived at an answer: You're lame. 

OK, so I'll give you My Two Dads, a show that made me want to (a) live in a loft, (b) have a family court judge at my beck and call, and of course, (c) be the precocious daughter of two dads who are polar opposites--one neurotic, one with an acid wash jean jacket. 
But you lose any cred that you may have garnered there with this:
The cover of your book Babyhood (the follow-up to Couplehood and harbinger of Familyhood) is the single creepiest and most baffling thing I've seen all day. What is that baby gripping your ear supposed to symbolize? Or maybe it isn't supposed to symbolize anything. Maybe a large bulk of being a parent is literally just sitting around with your head slightly tilted to the right as a baby holds onto your ear with one of its hands and offers sweet consolation with the other.

You, Paul Reiser, are my least favorite 90s artifact. I hope this doesn't offend you. It's just the simple truth. 

Mad about you in the sense that I hate you and not in the sense that I'm crazy for you,



Munk said...

Of all the things to rant about and you choose Paul Reiser, now that's separating the chaff from the wheat.
Paul Reiser has a mom and a dad too you know, he used to lovingly hold their ears in between his all too frequent face palms.
Come to think of it, I've always hated Helen Hunt. What's that about?

Stephanie said...

First of all, MY TWO DADS?! Amazing. I loved that show with an unreasonable passion.

Second of all, my kid actually DID have a weird ear rubbing thing for like two years. She had to rub someone else's ear to fall asleep. I couldn't stand it.

Erin likes it hot. said...

My two dads ruled. Which dad did you like best? I always wanted to have sex with Miles from Murphy Brown, so maybe I would have been on Paul train.

dbs said...

BJ and the Bear!
(This may seem like a random comment unless you know Greg Evigan's TV history.)

nikki said...

My baby likes to grab ears. Also, I liked Mad About You, but that was in spite of it starring Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt, not because of it.

Megs said...

My Two Dads - Awesome. Mad About You - I loved. Paul Riser - meh. He always struck me as some kind of homeless man's Billy Crystal wanna-be.