Friday, June 3, 2011

It's Been A Long Time, I Shouldn't Have Left You Without A Dope Beat To Step To, Wicky-Wicky/ Arts & Crap: Thor

First, I want to thank anyone who’s still visiting this blog. I realize that I haven’t been around for a while, but starting now, that’s going to change. I’ll be devoting huge quantities of time to the Internet. I’m going to be like Sandra Bullock in that movie The Net, where she was always on the Internet or whatever.

Speaking of movies, while I was away, I saw that most life-altering, mind-blowing, heartrending, film ever to be projected onto the silver screen: Kenneth Branagh’s Thor. The title may actually just be “Thor,” but for some baffling/genius reason it was directed by Kenneth Branagh; and so, it only makes sense to refer to the movie as Kenneth Branagh’s Thor, or, alternatively, Thor: A Kenneth Branagh Joint.

If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I strongly suggest that you reevaluate the direction your life is headed, and if you saw it, but didn’t enjoy it, then you should begin questioning your sanity because you are insane.
I’m convinced that Chris Hemsworth isn’t even a real person, but some computer generated man. His body is bonkers. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Kenneth Branagh reveals on the DVD commentary that Chris Hemsworth is actually Thor, Norse god of thunder and sick abs. 

Anyway, as a result of seeing the movie, I’m now obsessed with Thor. I bought a book on Norse mythology, ordered a Thor comic from Amazon, and have been naming all of my Sims after Norse gods. 

Also, for the first time, I understand why Sara from Adventures in Babysitting, wore that Thor helmet all the time. Like, I can totally relate.

...And I’m pretty sure that she gets so upset with Brad for calling Thor a “homo,” not because there’s anything wrong with being gay, but because she’s an incredibly progressive 1980s-8-year-old and feels that her brother is being insensitive, offensive, and decidedly un-PG-13. 

Because--like my idol, Sara--I believe that no outfit is complete without a silver-winged helmet, but am, unfortunately, too poor to buy one from Target, I decided to make my own. You can make one too.

What You'll Need:

  • Cardboard
  • Aluminum Foil
  • Duct Tape
  • Scissors
  • Pencil
  • A head that isn't super big
  • Low expectations
1. Draw a wing on your cardboard, cut it out, trace that first wing onto another piece of cardboard, then cut out the second wing. Incidentally, if you accidentally bought a pack of Kotex without wings, you can tape these cardboard wings onto either side of your pad for maximum coverage.

2. Wrap those wings in aluminum foil, yo.

3. Cut some strips from your scrap cardboard, tape the strips together so that they form a circle/crown that fits around your noggin.

4. Tape the wings onto the sides of your cardboard headband.

5. Wrap all exposed cardboard in aluminum foil. Put it on your head. Look hella fresh.

6. Drop your car off at an auto body shop and pay for everything with your "helmet."



Aaron said...

Thanks for the how to! Though I would have liked to have had these instructions before I saw the movie. Totally would've rocked the homemade Thor helmet at the theater.

girluntitled said...

i'm so glad you're back. i've had to resort to fashion blogs run by egotistical 20 year olds with bad posture, and mom-blogs.

so i thank you.

Shannon said...

I actually wondered about you the other day, which is really odd.

Maybe I haven't had a good laugh in a while.

(I hope this didn't creep you out.)

(It creeped me out a bit.)

emily said...

I love Kenneth Branagh in all things. Might need to make myself one of those hats too!

Krissy said...

Apparently, I have been sorely deprived because I must admit I had to go look up this guy to see the abs. Holy crap he built up for that movie! I guess he would have to because of who he was playing but still. I must see this movie now.

Love the helmet, by the way!

Eleni said...

Hahaha, nice to have you back. I love Thor!!! And Chris Hemsworth...yes. God-like body indeed.

Tasha said...

I'm glad you're back &&& Thor was simply awesome! Also, I'm back on twitter (again) follow if you wish @masctasha.

Enjoy your weekend!

Tabs A. Geek said...

Eeee! Welcome back!

Oh man. I nearly died when I heard Kenneth Branaugh was directing I nearly died.

That man is sexy. And amazing. And *drools*.

I also agree that Chris Hemsworth is probably actually Thor.

Heather Taylor said...

I have missed you and your snark on the interwebs Amber- welcome back. And no, I have not yet seen Thor but judging by this post, it looks like I'll need to. I hope you're just as excited for Super 8 as I am (a bit off-topic but ehhh, it's the internet everything is all over the place here).

Amiee said...

Welcome back! Thanks for the how to, I'm yet to see Thor, see I've gone astray without your recommendations!