Monday, December 28, 2009

Ode to the Vile of Nickelodeon Slime(!) That I Purchased at Target (I think) Two Months Ago

Aye, gooey slime, thou art so green!
I stick mine finger inside of thee and hear fart noises, most obscene.

In youth, I pined for thee whilst watching Nickelodeon.
Thou were’st manufactured in China, so thou art not Cambodian. 

Now that I have thee in mine Kung-Fu grip,
I must admit that thou art kind of a gyp. 

Even though thou only cost’th a mere two dollars,
thou art not a toy for people like me, people who consider themselves scholars!

Alas, it seems what was once an ode has become a curse.
I think thou should’st give back the two dollars thou stole’th from mine purse.

What am I supposed to do with thee? Stare at thee? Smell thee?
What is thine purpose, thine function, thine applicability?

What baffles most is the “slime” ball thee were’st packaged with.
It is supposed to stick to walls but that is clearly a myth!

I throw it across the room. Oh how it flies through the air!
But then it just falls to the ground, collecting specks of dust and cat hair.

‘Twas that sweet seductress Nostalgia who persuade me to buy thee.
But thou art a piece of crap and now I have a little less money. 


Sadako said...

There was no real point to Gak, was there? I still got really upset when my mom wouldn't let me have it because it would stick to the carpet and make a huge mess. Stupid gak.

Tom Bailey said...

Very funny. Thanks for sharing this.


ale8oneboy said...

LOL. Enjoyed reading your tribute to slime. But you're right, why buy it? Why sell it? It's the perfect "Shut your bratty kid" present! Thanks for visting, btw! -

nikki said...

Silly putty gets more bang for your buck than slime.

Melanie's Randomness said...

Really???? Slime??? Ohhhhh that's awesome. I used to love that show, "You can't do that on Television" where they used to slime people. hehe.

Love your blog girl. I remember all these things!!

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

What a beautiful, beautiful poem.

Brings a tear to my eye. :)

Knitwear M. Groundhog said...

I had a slimeball like that! You really need to throw it at the wall pretty hard to make it stick (and then crawl down). Word of warning: There's the risk of leaving a big oily splotch at the initial point of impact. Also, I once threw one up onto a textured ceiling and it stayed there. Not good.

Grant said...

I was much more into Gak. My parents hated the smell of that stuff.