Monday, December 28, 2009
Ode to the Vile of Nickelodeon Slime(!) That I Purchased at Target (I think) Two Months Ago
Aye, gooey slime, thou art so green!
I stick mine finger inside of thee and hear fart noises, most obscene.
In youth, I pined for thee whilst watching Nickelodeon.
Thou were’st manufactured in China, so thou art not Cambodian.
Now that I have thee in mine Kung-Fu grip,
I must admit that thou art kind of a gyp.
Even though thou only cost’th a mere two dollars,
thou art not a toy for people like me, people who consider themselves scholars!
Alas, it seems what was once an ode has become a curse.
I think thou should’st give back the two dollars thou stole’th from mine purse.
What am I supposed to do with thee? Stare at thee? Smell thee?
What is thine purpose, thine function, thine applicability?
What baffles most is the “slime” ball thee were’st packaged with.
It is supposed to stick to walls but that is clearly a myth!
I throw it across the room. Oh how it flies through the air!
But then it just falls to the ground, collecting specks of dust and cat hair.
‘Twas that sweet seductress Nostalgia who persuade me to buy thee.
But thou art a piece of crap and now I have a little less money.