Friday, August 12, 2011

In Which I Take Inspector Gadget and Child Protective Services to Task

Dear Metro City Department of Social Services,


As a concerned citizen of the world, I felt it my duty to bring to your attention a case of extraordinary negligence and child endangerment. 


For some time now, a cyborg by the name of Inspector Gadget has been the sole guardian of a young girl named Penny--apparently she's his niece. I have no beef with the cyborg community and would never question Gadget's ability to provide young Penny with a safe, loving home based merely on his body's organic-to-synthetic-part ratio. Gadget, however, is a police officer or spy or counter-terrorist or something, and this dangerous profession coupled with the fact that he has no IQ to speak of (which may or may not have something to do with the retractable helicopter blades seemingly stored inside of his skull) imperil young Penny's life on an almost daily basis. 


Because her uncle is an imbecile, Penny along with her dog Brain, take it upon themselves to solve cases for him. Although she is quite brilliant, inserting herself into Gadget's affairs like this has, resulted in Penny being kidnapped by MAD agents some 45 times. Now, I must ask you: How often does a cute, blonde, pre-teen girl have to be kidnapped by an organized crime syndicate before the government finally intervenes? 


When Penny isn't dodging henchmen, a slew of other hazards await. 
What's worse, Gadget, who's called "Gadget" because his body is equipped with an infinite array of crime-fighting instruments (well, at least I assume this is the reason...his surname may just be "Gadget), is clumsy and has little to no control over his bionic gizmos. Though, I don't know if Gadget counts samurai swords amongst his assorted tools, I could easily envision him Go-Go-Gadget-skating directly into some kind of katana display, mortally wounding his niece.
I have a feeling that I'm not the first to report this but I pray that I'm the last. It is fundamentally irresponsible for you to allow Penny to remain in Inspector Gadget's custody and for everyone involved to rely so heavily on deus ex machina

Sincerely,
Amber

8 comments:

lalalalauren said...

hahahaha!

you raise a very good point. get that girl away from that man!

Nicole said...

Your blog is amazing! I'm really digging it. By the way, thanks for leaving a comment on my blog!

Megs said...

Generally, we take crimes against pretty white girls much more seriously than this. I mean, where would Dateline or 20/20 be if pretty white girls weren't getting hurt? Out of a job that's where. They really dropped the ball on this one.

Ashton King said...

I love this!

Pickleope said...

Brilliant. You are absolutely correct. How has he retained his job anyway? A simple intelligence test would reveal a high level of Aspergers (at the least). Love what you're doing here, new fan.

Shannon said...

Go go gadget child negligence lawsuit!

Missed Periods said...

Fred and Daphne should adopt her.

Nicki said...

Penny should totally run off with Dr. Quest and marry Johnny someday.