Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dear Pixar, I Think It's About Time You Hired Me.

A block away from IHOP and sandwiched in between "the hood" and a hipster-friendly, quasi-industrial, semi-gentrified area of Emeryville, California is Pixar. The animation studio (which also happens to be a 10 minute drive away from my house) was founded over 20 years ago by John Lasseter--a former Disney animator--and Ed Catmull--a Lucasfilm CGI pioneer/all-around super smart, mega-brain, physicist type. Mock turtleneck aficionado, Steve Jobs, was the studio's original investor.

I'd only been 12 for about 2 weeks when I saw Toy Story--Pixar's first feature-length film. As someone who has been called eerily stoic/soulless/android-like, the experience was oddly moving for me. My icy, adolescent heart had been so totally warmed by the end of the movie that I completely lost it when I heard Randy Newman's happy-go-lucky singin' and piano playin'.
That movie stuck with me, man. It resonated. I became mildly paranoid around my old toys.
A solid 67% of me wants to work for Pixar because of how much I admire their films--generally, I'm creeped out by anthropomorphism but I adore everything the studio produces. The other 33% of me isn't so sentimental.

The thing most people don't know about the Pixar studio is that its iron gates and prohibitive foliage hide what is literally an elysian utopia of awesomeness. 
According to legend, there are swimming pools, video game rooms, and adorable chimpanzees just waiting to be hugged. Their cafeteria boasts a gourmet menu; employees ride around the halls on scooters and bicycles; there is at least one regulation sized soccer goal on the premises. 
Recently, I learned (via a Facebook status update) that a co-worker of mine had somehow been given the opportunity to see a screening of Toy Story 3 at Pixar and that, in addition to all of the ridiculous things that I've just described, there's a life-sized Barbie Dream House with a working elevator.

So I could get all schmaltzy and nostalgic and idealistic about why I want to work for Pixar because, like I said earlier, there is an element of that, but I'm also not going to lie to anyone. I really just want to ride that Barbie Dream House elevator and eat filet mignon for lunch. 

Unfortunately, I don't know that I--a chick with a BA in Medieval European History--possess the sort of skillz that would qualify me for a job at one of the world's most famous animation studios. I mean, I can kind of draw Pixar characters:
Though, after I showed the above picture of Woody to my mother she said, "Oh, that's good, Amber. Is it a 70s man?"

So I guess if Pixar is looking to hire someone who can draw 70s men, I'm their girl.

When I told my BFF that I was dying to work for Pixar she said that she believed in me and thought that I could get a job there. As a janitor.

But if you're going to be a janitor, you might as well be a Pixar janitor, right? I'm sure their maintenance workers get most of the same perks as everyone else. Plus, if I were a janitor, it would finally give me the chance to play out all of my Good Will Hunting fantasies. You know, where I--an aimless but brilliant blue-collar worker--dazzle all of the so-called intellectuals. 
Realistically, though, it's probably just as difficult to land a job as a janitor at Pixar as it is to be hired for any other position. But I'm still determined to get onto their lot by any means necessary. Being the illustrious stalker that I am, I have already performed some preliminary reconnaissance in an attempt to figure out how to make my way into the studio undetected. 

These photos were taken as part of Phase 1 of Operation Penetrate Pixar or OPP. Phases 2-infinity and beyond are essentially just me standing outside of the studio, pointing at myself, and saying "wingardium leviosa" over and over again until something happens. But if you're down with OPP and you don't want me to go to jail for trespassing/be forced into a psychiatric hospital, then you can contact Pixar on Twitter or Facebook and tell them to let me in. Just kidding. No, but seriously, do it.



LaceyRee said...

I love your drawings! and I really want to ride that elevator now, too. If you need help sneaking in I have some ski masks we could use.


Simon said...

I want to work in Pixar too. We should team up, get going an Ocean's Eleven plan. I'll be the master of disguise, you'll be surveilence, I knoe a guy who's pretty good at hotwiring cars. This shit's happening.

Anonymous said...

Wingardium Leviosa is surely your ticket in...right?

Pixar sounds like the magical google campus. Maybe google needs a student contracting specialist who hasn't even begun her masters? I didn't think so either.

Anonymous said...

This post is delightful.
I honestly laughed out loud at the Good Will Hunting reference.

And Toy Story 3 is glorious.

There was a time when I wanted to be an animator for Disney. That didn't happen.

I'm now a fan of the blog (found through 20sb).

nikki said...

Awesome post. Pixar is the best. I don't know how they do it every single time. My 3 1/2 year old is obsessed with Cars, and it says something that I can watch it with him about twice a week and not be sick of it yet. Also, Wall-E is in my top five of all time.

AND I swoon over companies who treat their employees like gold.

Ashley R said...

I love your Good Will Hunting/Pixar mash-up dream. So good. And hey...maybe one day Pixar will do a film based in Europe during medieval times, and you'll be called in for consulting! In which case, I'd definitely include in the contract that elevator ride.

TbR said...

Toy Story induced the same paranoia in me - although as a child I think I was quite gullible.

I once read a book where the protagonists entered a dazzling new world through a book. My efforts to join them were foiled when my mum found me jumping up and down on a dictionary and took it away. Maybe you could use this mode of transport to infiltrate Pixar?

Alison said...

Oh, gosh. Take me with you! Take me with you! If you get a job at Pixar, I'd be the best dang assistant you'd ever have! I can't draw, but I can decorate cupcakes! And we all know that Pixar needs more cupcakes!

Even if I can't be your assistant, I'll still get in there! I don't care if I shoot down from the ceiling like a ninja, I will ride in the Barbie Dreamhouse elevator. And then, I will become the most dedicated squatter that place ever had. It'll be like frickin' Waco all over again if they try to kick me out. I swear!

soft nonsense said...

Admittedly, the little kid from Up is a little creepy in your first drawing, but the rest are glorious. Also, David Duchovny often tears apart relationships of all sorts, I'm sure your toys didn't take direct offense.

Can you believe that there are now an entire generation of children who are more or less sentient who WEREN'T ALIVE when Toy Story came out??

I hate being old.

We history majors will storm Pixar together, impress them with our script about an adorable sundial from the Roman Empire or a family from medieval Germany, and we'll be set.

Heather Taylor said...

I had/have a similar paranoia around my toys after the Toy Story movies, especially the last one. It made me think about how, out of all of my toys, the only one with the longevity was and still is my plush Pillsbury Doughboy. He's seen it all, for over a decade, the toys come and go out of my room, my life. I'm pretty sure they definitely resented him 90% of the time.
K, gonna stop talking about my stuffies like they're real now.
A burrito movie? I like it. Think of the endorsements with Chipotle and Taco Bell.

aladdinsane12 said...

your plan? genius. all you need now is a delorean. why? because deloreans just make everything 10 times more awesome. the end.

Johana Hill said...

Your drawings are awesome. Heck! You are awesome! Pixar, you hear? Hire Amber dammit! ;p

Sadako said...

I'd love to see what you came up with at Pixar! It would very interesting I'm sure!

Barbara said...

I really want to work at Google. Like Pixar, I hear they have gourmet food, laundry service and video game rooms...among other things!

Anonymous said...

How much do you reckon a janitor makes at Pixar? Like 30 an hour, right?

I bet you have to audition.

Steve G. said...

These drawings made me laugh uproariously. Good times, and I say moar!

Melissa said...

If Pixar made a movie about burritos it would probably make 4.8 kajillion dollars while also making you laugh until your throat collapses and cry until your tears cry.

Anonymous said...

Pixar doesn't know what it is missing. That was hilarious! - G

Megs said...

I would totally pay my own money to see Pixar animate burritos.

Also, life size Barbie dreamhouse? Swoon.

One Blonde Girl said...

This is full of fabulosity (which, despite what Google thinks, is a real word).

I'm totally down with OPP (yeah you know me), unfortunately, I don't have any "ins", so you're on your own.

Good luck. If worse comes to worse, can't you just hide in Mr. Potato Head's butt? Just a thought.

TabithaVenasse said...

That is amazing.

I want to work at Pixar too.

Angie said...

I've had the same fantasy about working reception in a movie studio and busting out with a genius idea over lunch, and some exec goes "Hey! Give that girl a giant paycheck and screenwriting job!"

It could happen...

Kylee said...

I want to watch a Pixar movie about you and your zany adventures trying to break into Pixar.

Then eat filet mignon while riding the barbie dream house elevator.

Margaret said...

I wish Husband and I had more marketable skillz. Pixar Dream House.

Melody said...

I support this dream. I mean I know we just met (and by that I mean I discovered your blog over on 20sb) but I believe in you. Reach for the stars (see what I did there?).

Christina In Wonderland said...

If you need help, call me. I've got the "means" if you know what I mean... *wink*