nostomanic: Peters

For anyone contemplating going to Comic-Con next year, my advice to you would be don't. Overall, I had a decent time in San Diego--saw actors from some of my favorite shows, got tons of free junk, purchased a few irreverent t-shirts, consumed a lot of thoroughly badass Mexican food--but a good portion of the fun was eclipsed by the massive crowds.

Fact: "Comic-Con" is Latin for "there's hella people up in here, yo."

Although originally conceived as a celebration of comic books--hence the "comic" in "comic-con"--the convention's biggest draw nowadays is that "celebs" come to promote their shows, movies, latest bowel movements, etc. Yes, I do read comics--in fact, as I write this, there are copies of The Walking Dead and Batman on one side of me and a Green Lantern backpack on the other--but I don't lie and I don't hate: I love celebs and TV and movies. I'm completely entranced by it all. (As someone who's reading this blog, I'm assuming that you have a little of that going on as well.) But the very thing that I love about the convention is threatening to destroy it. Well, maybe not destroy it, but at the very least suck all of the lighthearted, nerdy good times out of it.

As the convention has received more and more coverage in the media, more and more people are showing up every year. There's also a huge influx of "norms" (as opposed to geeks). The night before the first official day of the convention, people were already lined up to see the next morning's panels.

I'm a sci-fi nerd, I lined up to see The Phantom Menace way back when, but there's no way that I'm going to camp out on some dirty, sticky sidewalk in San Diego (especially when I've paid hundreds of dollars for a hotel room) just to see the cast of Psych. That's ridiculous, right? Who loves Psych that much? It's almost enough to make me start watching Psych, because clearly it's the most amazing show in the history of TV.

Fact: At Comic-Con you stand in line to stand in line.

The absolute worst line was for The Big Bang Theory panel. With at least 1,500 people in line before me, I was able to get into Ballroom 20--which holds about 2,500 people--and saw Mayim Bialik and Johnny Galecki (2 of my fave former 90s teenagers) along with the the rest of the cast.

There were 7,000 unfortunate souls who stood in line for hours and didn't get in.

I took the above picture of the massive line for that day's panels. It went out of the convention center and across the harbor. And here's a picture of the convention center to really drive home the point.

The doors didn't open until 9:30 or 10:00am but I got there every morning at about 6:00, which was early enough to get into every panel that I'd planned to see. But even when you are fortunate enough to get into Ballroom 20, you have to contend with body overflow aka the large gentleman beside you, essentially, sharing your chair.

Sure, it could have been worse, but sitting scrunched up next to some stranger for, like 4 continuous hours is not awesome.

All griping aside, on Thursday I saw my love Bruce Campbell who was hysterical and condescending in a very charming way. Though his entire ensemble was quite stunning, I was most impressed by his pocket square. Rather than listening to what he was talking about (Burn Notice?), I spent the time wondering if he'd folded it himself.

Later that day was Game of Thrones--a show that has really become my obsession over the past couple of months, and to which I give my highest, most enthusiastic recommendation. Not only was I able to see one of the raddest Peters ever (Dinklage), but the moon of my life, Khal Drogo was there.

Jason Momoa is clearly psycho--as you can see he was wearing his Khal Drogo eye makeup--but psycho in the most endearing way possible. I didn't think it was possible for me to love this man any more than I already did but alas, it looks as though I'm going to have to see his (potentially god awful) Conan movie this summer. Also, Emilia Clarke is basically my idol.

So, if you leave Ballroom 20, there's absolutely no getting back in--unless you've gotten a bathroom pass from a security guard at the door and even then you have to be back in, like, 45 minutes. As a result, you have to sit through a lot of panels that you don't really care about just to see one that you do care about. Because Game of Thrones was near the end of the day, I was forced to sit through Covert Affairs...

which, as it turns out, wasn't so bad because Christopher Gorham (probably my biggest crush of 1999) was there...

...the illustrious Psych

...which I still don't get...and Ringer

...which, from the clips they showed, looks like it's probably going to get canceled in its first season. Nevertheless, it was cool to be in the presence of the slayer.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I went to panels for:

Torchwood

...where my love for John Barrowman, Eve Myles, and the studly Bill Pullman grew exponentially. Eve Myles is hilarious and you could tell that she and John are really close.

Eureka

Fringe

Every year I go to this panel hoping that Joshua Jackson will lead us all in one giant Mighty Ducks quack, but it never happens. Lame.

True Blood

American Dad

Seth MacFarlane and the rest of the cast were there, but I was really just jazzed to see the guy who does the voice of Reginald. If my mom ever does buy me the koala that I've been asking for, I pray that the CIA will have replaced it's brain with that of a homeless man.

Some TV Guide thingy

Matt Smith is so cool, no? He's my favorite Doctor, for sure.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I'd barely even heard of this show last year, but now I own every season on DVD and have watched each one of those DVDS 4 or 5 times. I'm pretty sure Danny DeVito was stoned or drunk or something.

Yo Gabba Gabba

Sadly, DJ Lance didn't do the DJ Lance Dance--which I live for.

Allen Gregory

This is Jonah Hill's new animated show. French Stewart is in it, which was already enough to entice me, but then they screened scenes from the pilot episode, and it looks like it's going to be super funny. Also Jonah Hill is so svelte now, don't you think?

On the comic book tip, I saw Stan Lee and Jim Lee.

Despite the last name and overall resemblance, they aren't related. I don't think. Jim Lee is one of my favorite artists and Stan Lee is so fuggin old but seems super sweet and grandpa-y.

On the stalker tip, I took these iPhone paparazzi pics of Fred Savage:

I saw him when I was walking back to my hotel. He was practically begging to be stalked.

And here are some miscellaneous photos:

I saw Paul Scheer from Human Giant, Best Week Ever, NTSF:SD:SUV, etc. walking around and he was really nice about taking this picture with me. He said my camera was cool. Admittedly, it is rather cool.

Standing awkwardly in front of the TARDIS.

Taken at the CBS booth in front of a green screen. Upon close inspection you will notice that I am groping Jim Parsons.

Outside the convention center, there was this art gallery, I guess sponsored by TBS, devoted to Conan O'Brien art.

The one good thing about standing in super long, 10,000-deep lines is that sometimes people will let you try on their authentic Captain Jack Harkness coats. And your hair will look really weird.

Amber + Prince Adam = Best Friends 4 Eva

Back to the Future memorabilia. Yes, that is a Flux Capacitor on the left.

A Mexican Pizza that I had at this restaurant in Old Town called Cafe Coyote. So good, man. If you're ever in San Diego, you need to go there.

So that's it in a nutshell. Even though I told you not to go to Comic-Con at the beginning of this post, on Saturday morning of the convention, I got in line at 4:00am to pre-register for next year--probably a sign that I'm some sort of masochist.

If your name is Peter, your name is also...kind of...penis. No offense, but it's true. If your name is Peter O' Toole, your name is redundant.

Over the years, I've learned a couple of things about Peters. First, for whatever reason, there are very few non-Caucasian ones. And second, they can be divided into three groups: (1) Peters that I want to marry (2) Peters that I want to high five (3) Peters that I want to tiger uppercut a la Sagat in Street Fighter II.

Peters I Want to Marry

1. Peter Sellers

English comedian; original Inspector Clouseau; precursor to Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers and other actors who've attempted to play every role in a single movie.

In addition to being my favorite dead comedian, Peter Sellers was a glasses wearer. I've said it here before, but it bares repeating: I'm a sucker for spectacles. And if you (whether you be man or woman or some combination of the two genders) don't fall in love with Mr. Sellers after watching this scene from Kubrick's Lolita then...then...that's cool, I guess. But my heart was forever altered by it.

2. Peter Sarsgaard

Actor; has three "A"s in his last name, Maggie Gyllenhaal's hubs.

There's something about this man's speaking voice that causes the most intriguing things to happen in my lady regions.

3. Peter Krause

Actor; one of four hot guys on "Six Feet Under."

This dude's cute. Straight up.

4. Pete Wrigley (the elder)

Ginger; has the same name as his little brother; friend of Mr. Tastee.

Pete is sweet, introspective, and freckled--three qualities that I admire in a man.

5. Peter Dinklage

Awesome actor; kills it in every movie.

Hot.

6. Peter Brady

Second eldest son and third eldest child on the "Brady Bunch;" pork chops and applesauce.

I didn't grow up in the 70s, so I'm not exactly sure why Greg Brady was supposed to be the heartthrob of the titular bunch--Peter was clearly the cutest.

7. Peter Cook

English comedian; "Impressive Clergyman" in The Princess Bride; less successful in America than his comedy partner, Dudley Moore, despite being ten times funnier.

My second favorite dead comedian, Peter Cook was lanky, clever, and looked a bit like George Harrison--the hotness trifecta. After watching the original 1967 Bedazzled, I wore red socks every day for about a month. I also wanted to dance around Mr. Cook and praise him, telling him how beautiful he was, how wise he was, how handsome, that sort of thing. Only I couldn't because he was dead.

Peters I Want to High Five

1. Peter Piper

One of the many alliteratively named Peters; picker of pecks of pickled peppers.

This guy knows how to party.

2. Peter Mayhew

Chewbacca

If you don't want to high five Chewbacca, there's something wrong with you.

3. Peter Boyle
Ray's curmudgeony father on "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Young Frankenstein is one of the funniest movies to ever exist in the history of the universe and, I don't care what anyone else thinks, "Everybody Loves Raymond" was funny as hell. When he wasn't busy being hilarious, Peter Boyle was kicking it with John Lennon and starring in one of the best episodes of "The X-Files."

4. Saint Peter

AKA "The Rock;" holds the keys to Heaven

Probably best not to say that I want to uppercut the guy who guards the Pearly Gates.

5. Peter Cetera

The epitome of light rock; has mastered the art of making me feel uncomfortable whenever I watch him dance.

So Peter Cetera is lame-ish but he's also the kind of man who will fight for your honor, he's willing to be the hero you've been dreaming of. He's the kind of man you can live with forever, knowing together, that you did it all for the glory of love.

6. Peter Lorre

Charlie Chaplin called him the greatest living actor (note: both Charlie Chaplin and Peter Lorre are currently dead).

We freakishly big-eyed people need to stick together.

7. Peter Venkman
Bustin' makes him feel good.

I'll high five Peter after I make out with Egon.

Peters I Want to Uppercut

1. Peter Parker
Teenage loser; turned into a "spider man" after being bitten by a radioactive spider.

If Peter Parker were bitten by an entire colony of radioactive spiders, would he die or become more spidery? Anyway, this guy sucks. Worst. Peter. Ever.

2. Peter Rabbit

Likes to creep people out by wearing human clothes.

Technically, I don't want to uppercut this tiny little bunny, but he makes me nervous. So if he could just be kept away from me, that would be fine.

3. Pete Doherty

Musician (kind of)

The summer after my freshman year of college, I listened to this one Libertines CD every-day-all-day. So there's a part of me that wants to high five Mr. Doherty. But then I remember that he once squirted his own blood at someone with a syringe and I (a) want to vomit and (b) want to uppercut him.

4. Peter Petrelli

Unassuming hospice nurse turned super hero

Ugh. I mainly want to uppercut this dude because of that stupid strand of hair that was always dangling in his face but he was also a total goody goody. I like my heroes douchey, like Batman as portrayed by Christian Bale.

5. Pete Campbell

One of the ad men on "Mad Men"