Science Project #2: Will the Play-Doh Fun Factory Turn Me into a More Whimsical Lady?

Overcome with nostalgia as I walked down the toy aisle of my local Walgreens, I bought the Play-Doh Fun Factory. 

Would you believe that it only cost $4.99? What a paltry sum for something that is--according to its box--a veritable factory of fun. I was super juiced about the purchase and excited to start squeezing and molding the crazy shapes that the box promised I'd be squeezing and molding. 

One week later, the Fun Factory was in a corner of my bedroom, still inside of a plastic bag.

The thing seemed cool when I bought it, but as an adult with debt, anxiety, and crap to do, I didn't really know how to incorporate this Play-Doh into my life--a troubling realization since there was a time, not too long ago, when Play-Doh was my life. So I decided to conduct an experiment.

Purpose

Recapture some of the whimsy of my youth by playing with Play-Doh and using my imagination.

Hypothesis

This is going to be great. From this point on, I'll be able to include "Play-Doh Fun Factory" as a skill on my résumé. 

Materials

Play-Doh Fun Factory which includes: 2 shapemaking strips, 2 five-ounce cans of modeling compound (blue and yellow), 1 extruder with 3 half-molds, 1 trimmer knife.

Procedure

Record emotional response and immediate observations as I play with Play-Doh for as long as possible. And by play I mean "Load! Extrude! Mold!"

Field Notes

• For some reason I thought that there would be instructions inside of the box. I don't know what this says about me. 

• I probably should be watching cartoons as I do this but there is a Man vs. Wild marathon on the Discovery Channel and it's crucial that I watch Bear Grylls do interesting things with his own urine. 

On the other hand, if there's anyone with an over abundance of joie de vivre and a reckless, childlike spirit, it's Bear Grylls. So in a way, the show is a fitting complement to the experiment.

• It took me longer to open the containers than it probably should have. 

I'd forgotten about the wonderfully intoxicating non-toxic aroma of Play-Doh. Consider just sitting in my living room and sniffing my Play-Doh as I watch Bear Grylls eat scorpions.

• Decide to throw caution to the wind and extrude the Play-Doh.

• I think I messed up because my Play-Doh doesn't look anything like the picture on the box. Regardless, there was something satisfying about the extruding.

• I look at this blended clump of Play-Doh

and feel upset. I can't separate the yellow from the blue! When I'm finished playing, which container do I put this thing in? This clump of Play-Doh is a child of two worlds, belonging to neither. It's like the Spock of modeling compounds. What have I done?

• Just looked to see which episodes they'll be airing in this Man vs. Wild mini-marathon. Hoped that they'd be showing that episode where Bear Grylls gets naked. Alas, they are not.

• Decide to utilize the Fun Factory's molds.

I use the trimmer "knife" to cut off the excess Play-Doh and once again, what I've created looks nothing like the image on the box. 

• Bear Grylls just killed a massive boa constrictor and now he's going to eat it.

• Decide to make a boa constrictor with my now green Play-Doh in honor of the boa constrictor Bear Grylls just killed.

• Have an epiphany. Will construct my own Play-Doh Bear Grylls. 

• Although the resemblance is uncanny, there is something missing. Decide to place my creation in a tree aka living room plant.

• I think I'm just going to watch Man vs. Wild now. Also, I'm hungry, so I might go eat some oatmeal. 

Conclusion

Did the Play-Doh Fun Factory turn me into a more whimsical lady? No. As an adult, I find Play-Doh frustrating and pointless. Nothing I made looked as good as the images on the box and even if one of my creations--which were actually abominations--had come out halfway decent, it wasn't as if I was going to save it or put it up on the mantle or use it to get into some kind of art school graduate program. In the end, I was able to Load! Extrude! Mold! for approximately 45 minutes before becoming totally bored. However, I could see myself dispensing with the Fun Factory entirely and just smelling the Play-Doh and squeezing it while grinning psychotically. I'm pretty sure that I could do that for hours. In conclusion, this experiment has turned me into a Play-Doh fiend and I fear that it won't be too long before I start eating the stuff...like I used to do when I was a kid.

Science Project #1: Will Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons Make My Life Less Miserable?

This blog is a byproduct of my quarter-life crisis. (Though, I feel uncomfortable using "quarter-life" to describe my current "crisis" because the term seems presumptuous. Like, who's to say that it isn't a mid-life crisis? Or some other fraction that's greater or smaller than 1/4 that I can't even write here for you because I got a "C-" in Algebra.) I celebrate the past because things in the present are so totally stressful and frighteningly adult. But just blogging about old stuff isn't enough. So, in an attempt to reclaim some of the innocence and simplicity of my youth, I will be conducting a series of experiments in which I will very literally try to replicate my childhood in the present. Here is Experiment #1, which was completed this past Saturday. 

Purpose: Relieve some of the anxiety and stress brought on by mounting debt and career dissatisfaction by watching Saturday morning cartoons, which were at one time a highlight of my weekend.

Hypothesis: This crap isn't going to work.

The Subject:

Materials:

In a perfect world, Pepper Ann would've been incorporated into the morning's proceedings but the show hasn't been released on DVD yet and it was crucial that every cartoon be viewed on my television and not on my computer to minimize the effect of modern-day, result-shifting variables. I chose The Real Ghostbusters, ALF: Animated Adventures, and X-Men--not the most obvious line-up or even one that you might have picked but lay off me, okay? When you do the experiment you can pick the shows. Until that day, I do the picking.

My original plan was to eat a bowl of cereal as I watched cartoons (for optimum wholesomeness) but I forgot to go to the grocery store Friday night and the liquor store down the street was charging $5 for a dust-covered box of Fruity Pebbles--which I should have bought for authenticity's sake, since the box has probably been on the shelf since 1992. I opted, instead, to throw caution to the wind and eat a sugary, artery clogging glazed twist because that's what a kid would do. 

Procedure: Eat fattening breakfast goodies while watching classic Saturday morning cartoons. Record emotional response and immediate reactions. 

Data/Observations:

Start Time: 8:45 AM

Cartoon #1: Ghostbusters (1986-1991)

Episode: Ghosts R Us

Field Notes: Watching this rekindled my preadolescent outrage over Slimer's transformation from a ghost the ghostbusters busted (in the movie) to their scrappy little mascot/pal. So, I suppose that's a minor step toward recapturing my youth. At the same time, it was hard for me to ignore the poor sound quality and the fact that Egon and Ray have blond and red hair (respectively) when they both had brown hair in the movie. 

(these are Ghostbuster "action-figures" from my toy collection)

The doughnut was tasty, everything I remember doughnuts being. I haven't eaten one for a couple of months as I've been trying (though, mostly failing*) to eat more responsibly--I get sick all of the time and my mom (who is actually a scientist) says it's because I don't eat right. But immediately after inhaling the thing, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I should probably do some sort of exercise later or at least eat a plate of broccoli for dinner to counter the effects of the doughnut. In keeping with the spirit of the experiment, though, there will be no exercise/broccoli and the doughnut will just have to congeal in my stomach with the massive burrito I had Friday night. I only had 3 or 4 sips of the orange juice because I think I've just realized that I don't like orange juice anymore. Sad.

Cartoon #2: ALF: Animated Adventures (1987-1989)

Episode: Phantom Pilot

Field Notes: This wasn't too funny or even very entertaining and I couldn't stop staring at this guy's crotch:

Judging from the way it's so gloriously displayed, I don't think that I was supposed to be ignoring it. I'd been antsy/anxious while watching Ghostbusters but the feeling began to subside while sitting through this. I don't know how to account for the change. Maybe there's some correlation between anxiety and animated alien crotch bulge. Probably warrants further investigation. 

Cartoon #3: X-Men (1992-1997)

Episode: Obsession

Field Notes: This was my favorite Saturday morning cartoon when I was in the fourth or fifth grade. Because each episode is rooted in the long-running comic book series, the show holds up. The opening theme song still gives me chills.

(I'm pretty sure I just provided you with the most epic 59 seconds of your day, possibly your life.)

In the time it took to switch the ALF DVD with this one, that non-specific anxiety from earlier returned. But then I noticed all of the crotches.

And when I saw Apocalypse's package, I started imagining what his apocalyptic junk must look like.

Then I became preoccupied with Rogue's large and inappropriate chest area. And yes, I  was jealous.

(look how lovingly her boobs were shaded by the artist)

End time: 10:20 AM

Conclusion: Are Saturday morning cartoons a stress reliever? Yes and no. It was almost impossible for me not to obsess over things--crotches, boobs, story flaws--that I was too innocent/dumb to pay attention to as a child. Nostomanic is all about scrutinizing old TV shows, movies, etc. as an adult and that's definitely fun. But it's also kind of depressing. It would have been nice to enjoy these cartoons in the way that they were meant to be enjoyed. With the exception of the X-Men episode, I had to mentally pick the shows apart to be entertained by them--which I think explains why I was so antsy. 

However, there is something inherently relaxing about cartoons. The student loan people have been hassling me recently and when I think about the future and my credit score, the ridiculous amount of cash money I owe them weighs on my psyche. This experiment was diverting, maybe not a Paxil substitute, but an hour of mental calm is better than nothing. I still can't get over the orange juice thing, though. I know taste buds can change over time, but that's just weird. 

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*Things I've eaten recently:

(Bacon Cheese Fries)

(KFC Double Down)

Don't judge me.